An Emotional Journey

Gilles and I just completed a two-day session designed to give expats the tools necessary to live and work successfully in France. We learned many valuable things, including what to expect along the emotional journey of living in a foreign country. It is not an uphill learning curve; there will be several ups and downs along the way. Apparantly, my banking frustrations were a result of "convenience shock". This low typically occurs within a couple of months of arriving in the new country. It's when one loses patience with things, or conveniences that are easy in one's own country, yet seem so complex in the new home. Funny thing is, after my venting-of-frustrations post, I received three letters providing my confidential code! Needless to say, I now know my number!

After the convenience shock is the adaptation stage. I suspect we are here now. We are feeling more settled in our house, enjoy shopping at the market on weekends, are experimenting with French food at home, and are generally enjoying life. Life will not always be so rosy, as the low of "cultural fatigue" comes next. Trying so hard to adapt and fit-in will ultimately lead to fatigue. This is when one begins to feel homesick. When will this time come for us? Time will tell. Then comes the long stage of involvement, followed by thriving. However, before one can thrive there is another low called "culture shock". The facilitator did not go into much detail about this low-point, but it was accompanied by a scary symbol on the graph. Thus, I am not looking forward to the culture shock stage.

One other important lesson that we learned was how to properly do the bise. This is the name given to the common practice of "kissing" someone on both cheeks when greeting them. I had many questions about how to do this, and turns out I have made many faux-pas in the past. Firstly, there is no touching with the hands unless one is doing the bise with a close friend. I usually touch the arm or shoulder of the other person, kind of as a way to anchor myself. Wrong! This is getting too much into their private space. Secondly, do touch cheek to cheek. I assumed I was supposed to kiss the air beside the cheek. Wrong again! Lips do not touch the cheek. Thankfully, I am not guilty of making this mistake. People usually kiss twice, starting with the right side. But, for no seemingly good reason, some people kiss three or four times, and may start from the left. Our facilitator assured us we will never, ever get it right, so just follow the lead of the French person. Unfortunately, this is usually easier said than done!